Mahou Shoujo Niji Tenshi
by draconichero21
Summary: Alternate title: Magical Girl Rainbow Angels. In this AU, join the adventures of magical girls Bambietta, Candice, Liltotto, Giselle and Meninas as they band together to save the day from evil. Rated M for language and sexual themes. Straight up crack comedy. Warning: may offend uptight people that can't take a joke.
1. Episode 1

**(A/N: This is by far one of the dumbest things I've actually ever put to virtual paper. If you know me on deviantART then you should know that I post A LOT of ideas on there that I hope other writers will decide to use for their own designs in hope that they'll credit me for giving them the idea or bring me on as a creative consultant to see my idea brought to fruition. That said **_**what the FUCK am I doing? **_**This is just…oh my god. I really can't believe that I'm doing this. But, eh, it was an idea too good to pass up. Please enjoy and if you think it's worth expanding say so in your review. It won't be a high priority project, but it'll at least be amusing).**

Disclaimer: Bleach is written by Tite Kubo

* * *

><p><strong>Beverly Hills, California<strong>

In many walks of life throughout the land, there will always be nothing more mystical than the illustrious magical girl. They are a strange breed of teenage girls full of hope and cheer; they fart rainbows, make people smile and hug adorable kittens.

EXCEPT IN THIS STORY!

At a remote high school, standing on the pitcher's mound of her school's baseball field, stood Candice Catnipp, a seventeen-year-old blonde tomboy with yellow eyes, and a love of sports- especially baseball. She also loved hunky boys, bubblegum and punk rock music.

As she stood straight up, ball in her glove, she prepared her pitch. It was the bottom of the ninth, with two outs, bases loaded, and a tie game. Candice blew a bubble with her gum. It popped, and she chewed it. Then, she sent a swift pitch straight over the pitcher's mound, in an attempt to intimidate the meek girl up to bat. She was surprised when her pitch was hit, and sent flying out of the ball park and into the street. The poor baseball was then run over by a car.

Candice's eye twitched in anger as she watched the car go by.

As opposing team congratulated their winning batter, Candice promptly walked over to her, and slammed her fist into her face, determined to beat her to a bloody pulp.

"Hit my winning pitches will you? I'll show you, you spotlight stealing bitch!" She cried, as she let the punches rain on the hapless batter.

Oh. Right. Two more things you should know about Candice.

Tweet! Two police officers came running over to the baseball field, wrestled down and overpowered her, and then handcuffed her and began leading her away.

"Hey! What the hell gives? You can't arrest me! I didn't do nothing!" Candice shouted, kicking her legs furiously and struggling to break free. "Your evidence will never hold up in court! I want my lawyer, you shit-eating, AIDS-ridden fascist pigs!"

She was a repeat juvenile delinquent, mostly for shoplifting, but she'd been convicted on assault charges too. She also had a really vulgar tongue.

"Hey! Fuck you, asshole!" Candice yelled at the narrator.

Oh, hush!

Meanwhile, in the chemistry lab, there was one of the top idols of the school, Bambietta Basterbine. She was an intelligent junior year, dark haired and blue eyed beauty, with a killer body. Her hobbies included tennis, reading romance novels, looking at pictures of cats on the internet, and she was a fan of the Pokemon franchise.

BOOM!

As the chem lab exploded every student in the room was ducking under the desks. Bambietta, however, lifted up her safety goggles and cheered, "Whoo hoo! Success!"

Oh, right. And she loved explosions. She was quite the notorious ant hill bomber, solved 70% of her problems with C4, and considered Michael Bay films art.

Bambietta winked at the reader and gave them the peace sign. "The stories are crap, but who doesn't love stuff blowing up?"

Everybody, but I'm sure you can find that kind of thing in better films.

"Nobody does explosions like Michael Bay, and you know it!"

Whatever.

At this same time, the cheer leading squad was performing their routine for the school's football team "The Archers". Among them, pink haired and eyed student Meninas McAllon. She was a senior at the school and definitely the most voluptuous of the entire cheer leading squad and the eyes of many boys in the school. She was an amazing cook, specializing in cakes, muffins and cookies. She loved kittens, puppies and bunnies. She could play the drums and the flute really well, and she often was a supervisor for her district's Girl Scout troupe, and there was no man alive who could refuse her when she helped sell cookies. She was a black belt in karate, and she was an all-around sweetheart. There was just one teensy tiny problem with Meninas.

"Head's up!" One of the football team members shouted as he threw an incomplete pass towards the cheerleaders.

The other cheerleaders ran screaming, but Meninas managed to catch the ball in between her pom-poms while the ball was barely two inches from her face. Without even waiting for it to be asked to be returned, Meninas dropped her right Pompom and threw the ball as hard as she could. It sailed through the air at near supersonic speed, hitting with perfect accuracy the quarterback's groin. He wore a cup, but that didn't matter- Meninas' strike had hit him pretty hard. He squeezed his legs together, toppled over and grabbed his crotch.

"Oh my gosh!" Meninas jogged forward, her boobs bouncing with every step. "Are you all right?"

"I… can never… have children…" the quarterback squealed with pain.

"Oh good, you're fine," Meninas said with a smile.

The problem was that Meninas was either completely oblivious to the pain of others, or she was a closet sadist. The jury was still out on that one.

"I… need a doctor."

"Oh you'll be fine. Walk it off!" She then returned to her fellow cheerleaders to continue practice.

While the quarterback was carried off the football field, Giselle Gewelle, a blue-eyed, pale-skinned, black-haired sophomore, was currently teaching her students a lesson in an abandoned classroom. It was after school hours and no one was currently using the room, so she was using it to indulge herself in one of her sick and twisted fantasies.

"And this, class," she said, using a stick to point to the diagram she had on the overhead projector that was transmitting images from her laptop, "Is what it looks like when you sew a surgically removed penis to someone's breasts."

Yeah, Giselle wasn't exactly right in the head. Though there _were_ good things about her. There was…there was…actually no she's completely fucked up and creepy. Sure, she liked Stephen King novels and the poetry of Edgar Allen Poe. But she also considered the Hellsing Ultimate series softcore porn; to her, Silence of the Lambs and Sweeney Todd were romantic comedies, and she thought of Quentin Tarantino as a director of sensual movies. She also thought that Jason Vorhees would make the perfect boyfriend.

"Any questions class?" Giselle asked, looking at all the corpses she had dug up, stitched together and somehow dragged to school and set up in the empty classroom without being noticed.

One of the heads rolled off of the dead bodies and then Giselle felt something crawl up her back and on top of her head. It was a very large and very hairy tarantula.

"Oh there you are, Mitzy," Giselle said, glancing up at the tarantula. The tarantula crawled down her face, sticking its thorax in between Giselle's eyes. Giselle held the arachnid in the palms of her hands. "Did you find that dead bird I left for you?" Mitzy's fangs wiggled back and forth. "I bet somebody's hungry for rat. I found a big fat one in the janitor's closet. Come on, I'll show you." Giselle then left the room, leaving all the dead bodies still in the classroom.

Some might marvel at the oddity of a classroom full of corpses- what about the stench, or the sanitation issues, or the complete lack of ethics?- but such simple trivialities were far below Giselle. Reason and Logic had learned to stay far away from her, because Giselle did terrible things to them and they were still traumatized from the last time, thank you very much. As such, Giselle and reality had a relationship that facebook would call "complicated". In effect, she pretty much did whatever she wanted. It would be anarchy, if Giselle wasn't so neat and orderly. Students somehow didn't ask questions, mainly because something deep in their reptile brain told them not to, and Giselle held her classes uninterrupted.

Saying Giselle had issues was like saying a nuclear explosion was loud. It didn't really touch upon the important details of the obvious and couldn't be a bigger understatement if you _tried_.

And, finally, there was Liltotto Lampered. Like Candice, she was blonde. Unlike Candice she was a freshman, and her eyes were caramel colored. Liltotto might not have really hit into puberty—even Giselle had at least a little volume—but she had other good points. She was good at fixing motor vehicles. She liked nature documentaries. And she was a big fan of stand-up comedy. However, she too also had a critical flaw.

At present, Liltotto was at the school store buying at least a dozen candy bars and bags of chips. Upon paying for her snacks, she tore them all open and wolfed them down with gusto that would make a starving grizzly bear tearing into a freshly killed reindeer look refined. In all likeliness, the grizzly would probably raise its nose and say, with some pride, that he had _standards_ and that eating like Liltotto was a disgraceful comparison. Yeah, Liltotto's eating manners were atrocious.

…what? They don't all have to be ungodly horrendous.

These five girls were often thought to not get very far in life, Giselle especially since most people thought she'd end up in an insane asylum before she was 25. However, starting today they'd be known as the Mahou Shoujo Niji Tenshi! Roughly translating to: Magical Girl Rainbow Angels!

* * *

><p><strong>New York City<strong>

People always say that Tokyo has it the worst when it comes to Kaiju attacks. People often forget that New York is quite often the target for giant monster attacks as well. Sadly, humanity had not yet reached the point where they built humongous mechas to fight them... was no different. Today, a giant monster had come out of nowhere and was attacking the city. It was a scaly, green bear with fire breath, standing as tall as the empire state building, and it had glowing red eyes- because all evil kaiju need red eyes. And it was destroying the Big Apple. It was utter chaos, as it smashed through buildings, destroyed bridges, assaulted well known monuments- a speciatly of kaiju- and last but not least, gleefully jaywalking while flipping off poor, innocent police officers.

"Quick!" cried Michael Bay, who was drawn to disaster like a moth to the flame, mainly because of his explosexuality, (a rare, incurable condition) "Get a camera! I'm going to film this attack, and then make a movie about it that is in no way relevant to the source material, with bad actors and plenty of explosions!"

"Sure!" Agreed M. Night Shyamalan, who had randomly been walking by for no particular reason, "And I'll add a twist into the movie at the end that makes absolutely no sense just so that there can be a twist!"

"We'll make so much money!" Michael Bay shouted.

"Which we can then use to buy beer, women, and make a shitty sequel that no one asked for and people will love it anyway!"

"We asked for it!"

"And we're the only ones who matter."

* * *

><p><strong>At a remote location<strong>

**On a deserted island**

Ikumi Unagiya was the CEO of her self-created company Unagiya Corp. A beautiful, black-haired woman with a noticeable chest and an even more noticeable right hook, she had, in true Uncle Scrooge fashion, gone from nothing- nothing meaning her own cart from which she sold eel sushi- to owning a small sushi restaurant, to building a small chain of restaurants, and from there had naturally progressed to owning two oil companies, an arms company, four computer engineering companies, and a fancy beauty parlour in the middle of Tokyo with the most fabulous nail polish in the land, and all this without even being Scottish. Her net worth was almost incalculable, and she was roughly two steps from being a Bond villain. Possible future plans included a pool of sharks with freaking laser beams on their heads, or possibly a death star. World domination was not off the table. Currently, she was holding a meeting to protect the innocents- that is, her innocent, highly profitable assets, under risk by selfish liberal democrat communist kaiju who just wanted to destroy her wealth.

"Hey!" she shouted over to Kisuke Urahara, her blond assistant. She had hired him because he was smart and mostly amoral, and the rule of two did state that if you wanted to be a sith lord, you needed an apprentice."We gotta do something about that big kaiju tearing up New York."

"How many military personnel have died yet?" Urahara asked, leaning back in his chair.

"The military hasn't gotten involved yet."

"Pfft," Yoruichi scoffed. She too worked for Unagiya. How else do you think Urahara got the job? No one would hire him without an internal referral. Where Yoruichi went, Urahara went. But they totally weren't married or anything and they especially weren't having a threesome with Yoruichi's Asian assistant. "Then kick back and relax. Everyone knows the real heroes don't do diddly-squat until at least two tanks have been destroyed."

"Two tanks have been destroyed at the scene of the giant reptile bear monster attack in New York City," a monotone news reporter said from the TV. "Also, it is believed that one of the victims of the giant monster attack is Bryan Cranston."

"NOOO!" Yoruichi shouted. "Not Bryan Cranston!He had so much potential for turning this into a great story instead of a mediocre monster flick with uninteresting characters!"

"You're goddamn right," Urahara said, sitting up and pulling his chair towards his trio of unecessarily overly complex dashboards, "Time to go to work. What do you want me to do, chief?"

Unagiya held out her palm, all fingers outstretched. "Recruit five teenagers with attitude!"

"Are you sure, chief?" Urahara asked her. "Wouldn't five, bright, upstanding citizens work better?"

"Or a giant robot," Yoruichi said.

"Look, we wasted our budget on those five transformation rings. Somebody's gotta use 'em!" Unagiya shouted.

"And whose fault is that?" Urahara asked.

"You're looking for the right way to a salary cut, Kisuke," Yoruichi commented.

"Look I want five teenagers with attitude by the time I'm back from lunch! If I don't you're _both_ getting salary cuts!" Unagiya stomped out of the room. She then poked her head back inside with a quick. "_And_ you guys are off my Christmas list!"

"You do it, Kisuke," Yoruichi said, leaning back in her chair. "You're better with techno warp drive gizmos and whatever."

"Right then, five teenagers with attitude coming right up!"

Kisuke fiddled with his trio of dashboards, setting a dial up to grab the moodiest teenagers in the entire world. He also fiddled with a few more dials to make sure that these teens would be in the same location, preferably in the same school.

"Right then," Urahara said, slamming his hand on the big red button. "Opereshon sutato!"

"Why did you say it like that?" Yoruichi asked.

"It's in my contract! I'm required to shout in gratuitous Engrish every now and again."

Yoruichi just sighed. Reality was weird, and sometimes it was just best not to question it.

In the next instant, our young heroes-to-be Bambietta, Candice, Meninas, Giselle and Liltotto all appeared at the far end of the room where a teleporter just so happened to be hooked up. It was hell on the company electricity bill, but it looked _really cool_.

"Oh good, no turbulence this time," Urahara said. "Last time I used that thing I got half a person. That's not a lawsuit I care to remember or revisit!"

"Hey! What the hell?" Candice shouted. "Who are you people? Where are we?"

"My name is Kisuke Urahara," Urahara said approaching them with a grin. "And you five have been personally selected to be a superhero squadron!"

"Like hell!" Bambietta shouted. "Send us back right now! I have a date in ten minutes!"

"But New York is in danger. We need your help!"

"My date is in danger, you perverted looking old man!" Bambietta snapped, jabbing her index finger in his general direction.

"Hey!" Urahara exclaimed, offended. "I'm only in my twenties, thank you very much."

Yoruichi walked over to the girls and patted Urahara on the shoulder as she passed him by. "I'll handle this, Kisuke," she said.

"Who's the bitch with no taste in fashion?" Candice sneered.

"My name's not important to you right now, little lady," Yoruichi said. "What _is_ important," she said holding up a small box of rings and extending them in the quintet's general direction, "is that you put on these rings and put them to good use."

"Why the hell should we do that?" Bambietta asked.

"Because if you don't you'll never make it to your date on time," Yoruichi said.

"Ooooh, you drive a hard bargain," Bambietta responded, "but now." She folded her arms and closed her eyes. "Send us back. We're not interested. Right girls?" The others nodded their heads. They all knew each other and they were all friends—because of course they were. Bambietta was the unofficial leader of her small dysfunctional group of friends so she tended to speak for them collectively. Does this sound like an overly convenient info dump to you? Well, f**k off!

"Oh well, that's a shame, because aside from the magic transformation rings," Yoruichi said. "You girls won't get all the donuts you can eat."

While the prospect of saving tens of thousands of lives, making a real difference, and being admired heroes had no appeal whatsoever to our five psychopaths-

"Hey! Shut the fuck up! None of us have been diagnosed by a psychiatrist, and claiming we're psychopaths is defamation! I'll fucking sue you, you piece of shit narrator!" Candice snapped.

-ahem, _heroes_, the notion of free sweets moved something at the core of their hearts. Man or woman, nobody can resist empty calories with a sugary taste, even from complete strangers trying to make shady business deals.

Liltotto started drooling. "Donuts…"

Bambietta opened one eye. "What _kind_ of Donuts?"

"Filled. Creamy. Glazed. Whatever kind you want, as many as you want. We have a donut machine in the break room. Cost us a fortune, but totally worth it."

"Well then," Bambietta said with a devilish grin, "I believe we'll need to retract our earlier stance." Without a word, each girl grabbed a ring from the box and slipped them on. "So how the hell do these crackerjack prizes work?"

"Just say the color of the ring and what's inscribed on the band and presto! Instant transformation!"

Grinning at each other, each teen gave their new power a try, starting with Bambietta. "Red—"

"Wait!" Yoruichi declared. "You also have to strike a cool pose and do a whole transformation sequence."

"Why?" Bambietta asked.

"It's in the job description."

Bambietta sighed. "Ugh, fine." She extended her arm out in front of her. "Red Wyvern!" she shouted.

"Yellow Roc!" Candice cried out crossing her arm over her body, bringing her hand by her face and tipping down her baseball cap ever so slightly with the other hand.

"Blue Bear!" Liltotto declared tilting her wrist so that her hand pointed down.

"Pink Tiger!" Meninas exclaimed happily thrusting her arm that didn't have the ring on it high into the air, while holding the other hand close to her chin.

"Black Cobra," Giselle hissed, rubbing her hand devilishly under her chin with a sinister grin.

Instantly the clothes on each girl vaporized instantaneously and they were coated in light the same color as their rings as new clothes appeared on them. Each uniform consisted of a peaked cap with a color that matched the ring and had an insignia of the animal each girl's ring represented.

For Giselle her uniforms had a coat so bulky her wrists were hidden by the sleeves, with jeans and sneakers. Liltottos was similar, but she had a short sleeved t-shirt instead of the bulky coat. She also had a bangle on her right wrist. The color of the clothing matched both girls' respective rings. However, Bambietta, Candice and Meninas were sporting a cropped tube top, a pair of civvies, wrist length gloves and high heels. Everything except the gloves matched their rings. The gloves were white.

"What the fuck, asshole?" Candice shouted, grabbing Urahara by the lapels of his shirt.

"What's the matter? You look very fashionable," Urahara complimented.

"Fashionable, nothing! I look like a whore!" Candice raged. "Seriously? How is anyone expected to fight in high heels, you pervert?"

"Bambi-chan looks so amazing," Giselle cooed. "Aahh, I'm getting wet."

The author would like to clarify, for the record, that he does not think lesbianism an/or bisexuality is a bad thing, nor something that should generally be associated with delinquents, violence, or criminals.

"Pssht no need to be a PC sissyboy about it," Giselle scoffed. "What's the matter afraid of a little lawsuit? I can take care of that for you."

It's Fine! Thank you!

"Honestly it's not that bad," Meninas said, groping her bust.

"Can it, you soft-spoken sadist!" Candice continued to rage.

"Well it's not like you'll be doing much running, really," Yoruichi said. "You all can fly while transformed."

"Ooohh," Candice said, tilting her head back, "That _totally_ makes up for everything! NO IT DOESN'T!" She pointed at her ring. "This ring is sexist! Change my outfit now, or I'll leave an angry blog post on tumblr, and then I'll call Anita Sarkeesian! She'll cause a bigger internet flame war than your shitty company can handle!"

"You don't look that bad, Candy-chan," Bambietta chuckled. "Besides, think of what the boys will say when they see us."

"They'll think we're starving for attention," Candice grumbled putting her hands in her pockets. "Although," her mind drifted towards one boy in particular. His name was Grimmjow Jaegerjaques. He was a college student and a badass biker and part of garage band. Even though he was abusive, had a history of drug dealing, assault, battery and suspected murder, and used guyliner. He also had amazing abs, and that was enough to convince Candice that secretly Grimmjow was a tortured soul who just needed the gentle touch of a woman with a great rack to bring out his inner good-but-not-too-good side. He probably just had a bad childhood, and that made it totally okay, and pretty much loveable. "I wonder if Grimmjow-senpai would like the new me."

"Hmmmmm, Candy-chan's embarrassed by her skimpy clothes one minute, and ready to use them the next," Giselle piped up. "Candy-chan is so inconsistent."

"What was that, you little bitch?" Candice growled, suddenly forming lightning in the palm of her hand. She then stared at the lightning, forgetting Giselle's comment. "Oh, hey check it out!"

"Each one of you has a unique power that will help you—"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't need to drill it all home," Candice said. "I think we got it."

"Good!" Urahara shouted. "Cause from now on you're going to be called the Mahou Shoujo Niji Tenshi. In English that's Magical Girl Rainbow Angels!"

"Sounds like the name to a really dumb anime," Liltotto said.

"Or a bad fanfiction," Giselle added. Everyone in the room looked at the narrator.

…What?

"Yeah, the name sucks," Candice said. "From now on we're called the Honey Badgers, because we don't give a fuck! All in favor?"

"Aye!" The others cheered.

"Uh, that's not—" Urahara protested, but was ignored.

"Take us out, fearless leader," Candice said, tipping her hat to Bambietta with a smirk.

"Honey Badgers! Away!"

WHOOSH!

CRASH!

All five girls burst through the ceiling in an instant and then flew out west.

"UH! Girls! New York's the other way!" Urahara shouted. "…oh whatever, I'm sure they heard me." He went back to his seat. "Go get the intern and get him to fix that huge hole in the ceiling."

"Why do I have to do it?" Yoruichi asked.

Urahara changed the channel as an episode of Doctor Who was in progress, with the Doctor showing off his flashy coat, and talking fast in a very British accent. "That's why."

"Ugh, you and your stupid Sci-fi show!"

"Don't you dare mock the oldest and greatest sci fi show of all time!"

Freaking nerds...

* * *

><p><strong>Beverly Hills, California<strong>

Upon arriving at their home town, each girl- predictably- immediately began abusing their power for their own benefit.

Candice started by slinging thunderbolts _everywhere,_ zapping innocent bystanders just for the thrill of it. "Run, bitches RUN! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Candice laughed satanically, as people ran away in fear.

Giselle immediately started by summoning a chainsaw, and began chasing people through the city with it. She was followed by an armada of skeletons armed with swords and shields that she had just created out of thin air. "Wait! Don't run!" Giselle shouted at the people fleeing from her. "I promise it'll only hurt for a second!"

Bambietta created a pair of energy wings, and immediately began bombarding every Starbucks she could find with energy bomb blasts. "You're coffee is terrible and overpriced!" she shouted. As stated previously, Bambietta solved most of her problems with explosions. Meanwhile, a certain movie director was fapping furiously from afar.

Liltotto wandered into the nearest supermarket, stood in front of the candy aisle and opened her mouth. She then began to inhale bags and bags of food, swallowing everything wrapper and all. She then belched loudly. As she wiped her mouth, she said aloud, "Note to self, wrappers do not taste good." You'd think that'd be common sense, but this story tends to defy that when it's convenient.

In the ensuing chaos, Meninas ran through the streets, doing her best to try and help the endangered citizens.

She lifted the car off of a poor, helpless adult male. She then tossed the car up and away, which only wound up flying into the nearby national park, and smashing a young couple making out on a park bench.

…okay she was _trying_ to help the endangered citizens.

Meninas ripped a high-rise corporate building out of its foundation and asked the people on the ground floor, "Excuse me, does anyone here need any assistance, or leaking any bodily fluids?" Meninas just got a wide eyed, stunned stare from everyone on the ground floor while she could hear screams from the upper floors of the building she was holding. She glanced up. "Oh, goodness me," she gasped and put the building down with a powerful SLAM!

…it's the thought that counts?

* * *

><p><strong>At a remote location<strong>

**On a deserted island**

As the quintet continued to terrorize Beverly Hills, Ikumi returned from her coffee break. "So, did you guys do what I asked?"

"Yup, all taken care of," Urahara said.

"And you're watching them, right?" Ikumi said.

"Yeeeup."

Ikumi waltzed around Urahara and when she saw he was watching Doctor Who, spun his chair around, punched him in the face and turned the news back on.

"You monster!" Urahara cried, feverishly attempting to get the remote back from a merciless Ikumi, "now I'll never know if he manages to defeat the aliens or not!"

"It gets hairy, the earth is almost destroyed, but at the last moment he finds a way to miraculously save the day while talking fast and Britishly."

Urahara gasped. "How DARE you spoil that plot for me!"

"That's _every episode!_" Yoruichi groaned.

"I don't _care_ about your stupid show! What are our new heroes doing?"

"The giant monster continues its unimpeded rampage through New York City. At this rate, the entirety of the city could be destroyed," the monotone reporter reported. "Back to you, Will."

"Thank you, Karen," said Faux News host Will O'Raily. "Now clearly, this is a terrible situation. But what is Obama doing about it? I'll tell you what- this kaiju was probably immigrated illegaly because it heard about his socialist welfare, and wanted to mooch off of our system! Thanks, Obama!"

Ikumi was furious.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Urahara exclaimed, waving his arms back and forth. "We did get five teenagers with attitude! Honest!"

"Where. Are. They?" Ikumi demanded to know.

Urahara pressed a few buttons on his dashboard. "Right! Found them!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGH!"

The members of the Unagiya Corporation were treated to multiple angle spy camera footage of civilians running screaming from Bambietta and the others.

"Wait!" Giselle cried entering the background only to disappear just as soon carrying a giant pair of hedge clippers. "I just want your fingers! Honest!"

Bambietta and Candice were in the foreground. Candice was shooting things with her lightning out of sight, while Bambietta was raining down her energy bombs into the background with her back to the spy cameras.

Meninas appeared inches in front of the camera, and looked puzzlingly right into it, hunched over given the camera was aimed up from a low altitude. She then stood up straight, and smacked the camera with her boobs so hard it went sailing into the sky, and disintegrated when it entered the vaccum of space.

"You two are idiots! I said to get five teenagers with attitude! What have you done?"

"They _are_ five teenagers with attitude," Urahara told Unagiya. "I said you would've been better off with model, upstanding citizens."

"Those aren't five teenagers with attitude! Those are monsters!"

"Now that's just insulting!" Yoruichi exclaimed. "I know plenty of monsters, and only two of them are moody teenage girls."

"You're missing the point!" Unagiya shouted. "Did you even tell them they had a mission?" Yoruichi and Urahara exchanged uncomfortable glances. "Ugh!" Unagiya slapped her forehead. "Look, I'm going back home for a bit to pick up my son from school and drop him off at home with our nanny. When I get back, I _expect_ results! If that monster isn't dead or at least being fought you two will be _paying_ to work for me. _Do I make myself clear?_"

"Crystal!" Yoruichi and Urahara shouted in unison.

* * *

><p><strong>One Hour Later…<strong>

**Beverly Hills**

Bored of their reign of terror, Bambietta, Candice, Liltotto, Meninas, and Giselle were loafing around a children's playground. Liltotto was devouring one in the first of a stack of hamburgers so tall it was a wonder where she put it all since she wasn't—and never—gained weight or filled out. Bambietta was watching fiddling with the remote to a portable TV she had stolen from Walmart.

Giselle was sitting around, still doing her best to clean the blood off her uniform, until a familiar, giant tarantula crawled onto her head. "Oh, there you are, Mitzy!" The tarantula purred.

"Say, girls," Meninas said as she stood up in front of her friends, "wasn't there something we were supposed to do with our powers?"

As she said this, Bambietta finally got the TV to work and it was a news station. "In other news, the giant monster attacking New York is leaving New York and is headed for Philadelphia."

As Candice lay bored out of her skull with her back against a slab of concrete, she tilted her neck up to look at the others and said nonchalantly, "Hey, anyone wanna go fight a giant monster?"

"Sure!"  
>"Eh."<br>"I don't see why not."  
>"That will be fun!" Meninas exclaimed, Bambietta shrugged, Liltotto agreed and Giselle declared.<p>

"Cool beans," Candice said as she stood up and dusted off her ankles. "Honey Badgers, away!" Candice flew off into the air.

"Hey!" Bambietta shouted. "I thought that was my catchphrase!"

* * *

><p><strong>New York City<strong>

As the giant reptile bear continued to push over buildings and burn cars, he was suddenly struck with a multitude of explosions to his back. But, of course, being a Kaiju this did little more than get his attention. He turned around to see the Mahou Shoujo Niji Tenshi behind him all grouped together with faces of varying degrees of sadism.

"Hey you abomination against nature!" Candice shouted. "My eyes are up here!"

The kaiju, unbeknownst to the girls, was actually gay, and not the slightest bit interested. He did give them a wicked, red-eyed, and incredibly sassy glare, though.

"All right girls, who votes we teach this sack of shit how we do things back in Beverly Hills?" Candice asked.

"Aye~!"

Bambietta was the first to attack. She folded her wings over her body and then unfolded them, letting out hundreds if not thousands of tiny explosive blasts, only half of which actually hit her target. The rest slammed into cars, trucks, the street and other automobiles and even a few bystanders that happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Still, the damage was enough that it gave the kaiju lots of puncture wounds and knocked it to the ground on its stomach.

"Bambi-chan! You're supposed to call out your attack when you use it!" Liltotto exclaimed as the kaiju began to get back up.

"What? Why? That's stupid! That's just giving the enemy a chance to react! That's dumber than just standing around and waiting for your enemy to power up while he screams like a maniac!"

"I read somewhere that if you call out your attack, it's like ten to a thousand times stronger or something like that," Liltotto said.

"Really? Okay let me try again," Bambietta said and did the same motion as before just as the kaiju was rearing up to attack her. "Red Wyvern Barrage!"

This time, the blasts increased by the size of a shopping cart, and the explosions were that much more intense. The kaiju was sent tumbling to the ground.

"Ooooh, nice!" Candice admired. "Let me try that." She wound up her arm with a beach ball sized ball of lightning in her hand. "Pitcher's Thunderbolt!" She zapped the giant kaiju with her attack just as it was getting back up, electrifying its entire body and sending it to the ground again.

"Agh! Candice! You have to start all of your attacks with Yellow Roc, otherwise it doesn't work," Liltotto told her.

"What? That's stupid! Where did you hear that?"

Liltotto held up a small booklet that said _**Beginner's Guide to Being a Magical Girl Rainbow Angel**_. "I read the manual on the flight over here."

"Pssht, no one ever reads the manuals," Giselle scoffed.

"I didn't even know we had a manual," Bambietta said dryly.

"There's always a manual!" Liltotto said. "Nobody would be dumb enough to send five teenagers on a dangerous mission without any sort of instructions… right?"

A rather telling wind blew through the awkward silence and a million magical girls screamed out in agony as they banged their heads against the wall and were suddenly silenced.

Or that could've just been the hundreds of people currently being roasted alive by the reptile bear kaiju.

"Oh, right, he's still alive, isn't he?" Candice asked rhetorically. She flew around in front of him. "Hey, buddy!" she exclaimed. "You can't just go around eating people when we're having a conversation. That's against the rules!"

The kaiju breathed its hot fire breath in Candice's face. Normally this would result in reducing his target to a skeleton, but being a magical girl—and a protagonist—left Candice with little more than a few ash marks and mild annoyance.

"MY HAIR!"

Oh, and a bad hair day.

"My gorgeous, voluminous, perfect blonde hair! You scorched it, you fucking asshole! Oh, I am so going to make you hurt!" Slapping her hand down, Candice declared, "Yellow Roc Divine Lightning!"

A damning thunder clap shattered the sound barrier as it blasted the kaiju with so much electricity it could've powered an entire city in Arkansas. Quite a waste, really.

"Bite me," Candice said to the narrator with a glazed look.

As the kaiju got up, it started to cry.

"You girls are so mean!"

"Awww, he's crying," Meninas said, flying over to the giant reptile bear. She patted it on the shoulder, but her immense strength caused her to push the giant monster forward with every tap. "There, there," she said. "It's okay."

"No it's not!" the monster sobbed. "I have a homework assignment from kaiju school. I have to destroy a city. It's like a coming of age ceremony. If I don't pass it, I'll never become a full-fledged kaiju."

"Tell it to someone who cares," Candice declared and zapped the creature with another Yellow Roc Divine Lightning.

This, however, only served to piss the creature off as it grew in size and swatted Candice out of the air.

"Candice!" Meninas exclaimed. She puffed up her cheeks in anger. "Bad monster!" she declared and punched it in the face, sending it flying through several buildings where upon its arms knocked over two more buildings each, and its tail three more as it made to get up.

As Candice got up and out of the building she roared at the monster, "Okay, that's it! No more Mrs Nice Guy! Not that I'm a Mister! Or nice! Or a guy! But you get the fuckin' point! You're going down, asshole!"

"Better leave this one to me, Candy-chan!" Bambietta said as she appeared in front of Candice, piloting a humongous mecha, tall as a skyscraper, blue, and looking like a dangerous gypsy.

"Where the hell did you get a giant robot?" Candice exclaimed.

"From out of my cleavage," Bambietta answered.

"YOU'RE WEARING A CROPPED SHIRT!"

"Silly Candy-chan," Giselle said, "Everybody knows a woman's cleavage is an unlimited hyper dimension that almost anything can be pulled out of." She reached into her coat and pulled out her tarantula Mitzy. "See? It's bigger on the inside!"

"That is the dumbest fucking shit I've ever heard. You don't even have breasts, you underdeveloped psychopath."

"Maybe not," Giselle said as she put Mitzy on her head. "But it's enough to admire Bambi-chan's voluptuous body." She drooled a little.

"Girl, see a therapist," Candice said.

"That's it! Blowing it up!" Bambietta shouted. She couldn't take much more of this. She ejected from her mecha, and it morphed into a giant gun so ridiculously large and overly large and complicated that even the biggest ammosexual NRA member would have thought of it as big enough to compensate for his absurdly small penis. How she was able to hold a gun the size of a skyscraper was anybody's guess- gravity was probably on vacation. Or just staying away out of common sense. "Bombs Away!" Pulling the strangely normal sized trigger for such a large hand cannon, a plethora of rockets, missiles, and explosive cannonballs went sailing towards the Kaiju that, this time, had been politely letting the girls talk things out- it would just be _rude_ to attack mid conversation, and he was a nice kaiju whose mother had taught him the virtues of politeness-and she blasted it into oblivion. Somehow, though, that didn't stop him from eating innocent civilians earlier. …his mother died when he was six. Don't judge him!

Bambietta's weapon also blew up several dozen buildings from the explosion, but it's not like she and the others were paying for property damage.

"Victory!" Bambietta exclaimed thrusting one hand into the air as she dropped her giant cannon, which, due to gravity suddenly returning, slammed onto the street and crushed two dozen pedestrians, but nobody cared because people without a name were about as interesting and important as saltine crackers.

All the girls gathered together and thrust their hands up into the air, wrists touching. "Go Honey Badgers!" they shouted together.

* * *

><p><strong>At a remote location<strong>

**On a deserted island**

"See?" Urahara said to Unagiya. "They got the job done."

"They destroyed half of New York!"

"Can't argue with results!"

"They _**destroyed **__half of __**New York**_!"

"But they killed the giant monster!" Urahara pointed out.

"They caused billions in damages! They killed more people than the kaiju, and..." Ikumi shrieked, on the verge of a mental breakdown of pure rage.

"Are you _sure_ they aren't just charming mavericks who know how to break the rules to get the job done that needs doing?" Urahara said deviously.

"_Yes!"_

With a flick of his thumb, Urahara turned on Faux News.

"And here you can see," Will O'Raily said, "how these five heroic girls saved New York from the socialist immigrant monster that tried to took our freedom, steal our jobs, and trample on the American way! God bless America!"

Urahara smirked triumphantly.

Ikumi's rage pent up and she shouted as loudly as she could and actually began having a mental breakdown. Yoruichi got out her Iphone and began playing _Combine Harvester_ by The Wurzels. She then began filming her boss' breakdown. "This is going to look great on YouTube."

And so the day was saved thanks to

_The Mahou Shoujo Niji Tenshi!_

"Honey Badgers!" The girls all shouted in unison in victory.

**END**

* * *

><p><strong>(AN: I really don't know what I was thinking with this. I just hoped you guys laughed. Anyway, I only had an idea for this to be a pilot—and about two more chapters—unless you guys **_**really**_** want to see more. Just know that to keep myself from forgoing this thing for other projects, I have to keep each chapter self-contained. Special thanks to my pals The Real Brick, Vogoshinki, and GreatKingRat88 for helping me breathe life into this ridiculous idea, especially to GKR for betaing this insane idea. Please leave in your review if you think I should do more. Ja ne!)**


	2. Episode 2

**(A/N: Even though nobody asked for it yet, I already made a sequel chapter because the jokes just keep coming. I think I only have enough material for this chapter and the next. After that I'm going to need major support if you guys want any more).**

Disclaimer: Bleach is owned by Tite Kubo

* * *

><p><strong>Beverly Hills, California<strong>

We find our heroes meandering through the halls of their high school, on the way to their homeroom. They walked together, as all right and proper bands of five did. The sun was outside shining, and it was a new day in the lives of the Mahou Shoujo Niji Ten—

"Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Wait a minute!" Bambietta exclaimed, interrupting the narrator, holding her arms up in protest.

"What's wrong, Bambi-chan?" Giselle asked her.

"How long has it been after that giant monster attack from the last chapter?"

"I dunno," Candice shrugged. "Time doesn't really tend to flow in these types of series. It's always warm weather, and nobody ever grows up. _Thanks, Obama_."

"That joke is _so_ last chapter," Giselle remarked.

Other things Obama is responsible for includes: world hunger, Justin Bieber, the second world war, the sacking of Rome, and black death.

"Has it occurred to any of you that we might be living in some strange temporal loop, where the status quo is continuously maintained by imaginary time?" Everyone looked at Liltotto with a strange and mystified look. She shrugged. "I read a lot of Stephen Hawking. What do you want from me?"

"Did you have a point, Bambietta?" Candice snapped at her.

"My point was: shouldn't you be in jail right now?"

"Oh, you mean that scrap from last chapter? It's nothing to worry about," Candice said as she held up her index finger triumphantly. "I called Saul. I'm off the hook."

"Oh, that's who I always call when I'm in trouble!" Giselle exclaimed happily. "You won't believe how easy it is to get acquitted for feeding somebody their own parents cooked into meat pies when you call Saul!"

Candice, Bambietta, and Liltotto all gave Giselle estranged, distanced looks and inched away from her towards the wall.

"What? What did I say?" Giselle asked, sounding genuinely curious.

Meninas stared at the ceiling, tapping her finger to her chin. "Oh, I hope you didn't hurt his parents too badly," she said. "I hope the pies were at least delicious."

At that moment the jury from last chapter came back with a verdict: sadist. And definitely psychotic.

"Oh, I thought they came out perfectly, but that little snot I fed them too kept whining for his mom and dad, even after I told him that what was left of them was in the pies. Some people are just impossible to please."

"I'm gonna regret asking this, but what happened to the rest of them?" Candice asked. As if on cue, Mitzy burped. How does a tarantula burp? Best not to question it.

Because the plot clearly wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, the author decided to kick it in the ass to get it off the couch. It immediately then manifested in the story, in the form of our heroes getting warped to Unagiya corp immediately.

"Hey! What the hell gives?" Candice shouted. "Are you trying to give us nausea _and_ whiplash?"

"Shut up!" The voice of Unagiya resounded through the air as she stepped in front of her new employees.

"Who's the broad with the cow udders?" Candice inquired in a bored tone, pointing at Unagiya with her index finger.

"What was that, you little brat?" Unagiya snarled.

"What's the matter, werecow? Should I not make boob jokes at your expense?" Candice sneered, getting right in Unagiya's face. Unagiya made a fist, and with almost superhuman speed sucker-punched Candice in the cheek. As Candice sat up after going spiraling to the floor she exclaimed, while holding her cheek, "Hey! You can't do that to me! I'm a protagonist, _and_ an underage girl!"

"Silly goose, according to double standards, it's okay if the abuser is a woman!" Unagiya snapped spiritedly, "And I can do whatever I want to you brats! You're my bitches to dictate instructions to as I please."

"When the fuck did we agree to that?" Candice asked.

"You're wearing my company's rings, duh," Unagiya said.

"Oh, if that's all, then I quit," Candice said, standing up and handing Unagiya her ring.

"Sorry," Unagiya said with a smile that only aimed to twist the knife further as she put the ring back on Candice's finger. "But I don't allow voluntary terminations. Even if I did you'd have to give me a two weeks' notice. And since we live in a world where imaginary time constantly maintains the status quo, that's impossible."

"I knew it!" Liltotto exclaimed.

"Oh? Is that how it's gonna be? All right, watch me go! Yellow Roc!" Candice activated her powers, flew straight up into the air and banged her head harshly against the ceiling. "Oww, what the fucking bullshit is this? We crashed through it with ease last time!"

"I had the ceiling and walls reinforced with a material stronger than plot armor. We asked Superman and the Incredible Hulk to try and break it. Neither one could."

"Wait, if we live in the same universe as Superman and the Hulk then why the hell do you need us?" Liltotto asked.

"Obviously for all of the sex appeal," Giselle exclaimed.

"You have about as much sex appeal as a two-by-four, Gigi," Bambietta said dryly.

"Not to the lolicons, I don't," Giselle responded cheerily. "And the same goes for futa fetishists."

Bambietta gave her a puzzled look. "Wait, what? You're a-"

"Don't you dare try and classify me according to your binary ideas of gender identity, you filthy cisgendered person, or I will kill you in the name of feminism," Giselle said, still cheery.

"I don't think feminism is about murdering people who disagree with you." Said Meninas. "Although, there is an appeal to that idea..."

"Really?" Giselle said. "I guess I must have been doing it wrong all this time."

"..._anyway_," Bambietta said with a disturbed, not-going-to-go-there-ever look on her face, "you were saying?"

"To be perfectly honest," Unagiya said, "you five are a mistake, but now I'm stuck with you."

"Hey! You can't treat us like an unwanted birth that couldn't become an abortion!" Bambietta exclaimed, whining.

"Yes I can and I can do so legally, under the Amoral Corporatocracy Clause of owning anything if you have enough money. Capitalism is greater than human rights." She grinned. "You brats are now my property, and my responsibility, so get fucking used to it."

"You make us sound like slave laborers!" Candice complained, and frowned.

"You wouldn't be if you didn't cause so much property damage. You're lucky my income is enough to buy several third world countries, or my corporation would've gone under last chapter. Thanks a whole fucking lot for that, you trigger happy harlots!" Unagiya yelled, flipping our heroes off.

"You're welcome!" Giselle exclaimed happily.

"Wait, harlots?" Candice shouted. "The fuck, you bitch?"

"You might as well be, with the way your uniform is oriented."

"OH, THAT IS IT!" Candice raged, imbuing both hands with lightning. "I AM SO GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!"

The others watched as Candice fought valiantly against her boss…

Well, if "valiantly" meant "being totally dominated, and not in a good, kinky kind of way". You'd never have thought a normal corporate executive would have that kind of physical ability- you'd almost think she had access to the dark side of the fo-

"Or maybe she just takes karate classes!" Unagiya shouted, and flung a frying pan- drawn out of god knows what kind of hammerspace- right into the narrator's poor face.

Ouch! How the hell does she cross through the fourth wall like that? We'll never know!

Unagiya cracked her knuckles as she stood over the defeated Candice. Who, surprisingly, got up looking just fine- everyone watching had been sure they had seen punch after punch land on her face, but besides some lines of dirt on her face and shirt, she looked barely affected at all. Especially, of course, her posterior and mammaries, which were practically gleaming. Maybe Giselle had had a point about sex appeal...

"Anybody else want to bring a complaint to customer service?" Unagiya asked, cracking her shook their heads. "Didn't think so. So, I've got another assignment for all of you. We have another monster attack. This one's in Miami. Go and kill it. The losses of hundreds of thousands of lives are at stake."

"Don't you mean hundreds of thousands of innocent lives?" Meninas asked.

"You ever _been_ to Miami?" Unagiya asked.

"Fair point," Meninas responded.

"Why such interest in people? I thought you were a business woman," Giselle said.

"I _am_ a business woman," Unagiya answered. "That doesn't mean I don't have a heart."

"But I thought you were two steps away from becoming a James Bond villain and were only interested in protecting your assets."

"Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that?" Unagiya asked.

"From the narrator last chapter," Giselle answered.

"Oh, right, that guy. Let's just say I had a heart to heart with him. And my seven best lawyers. We'll just see about defamation. Right?"

Sure. Um... but, you do realize that this whole corporate slave owning thing doesn't exactly make you look _less_ like a sith lord slash bond villain?

"You'll be quiet, or I'll force choke- I mean, forcefully choke all of your assets. With lawyers."

...I'll be good.

"So why exactly should we kill this thing? It's not like the human race couldn't use a little pruning every now and again," Liltotto remarked. "Besides, the last one was just trying to get through school."

"Because if you _don't_, I'm going to make you watch School Days with me."

All five girls gasped with horror. "You _wouldn't_!" Bambietta shouted. "That's a crime against humanity! The UN declared it cruel and unusual torture last year!"

"Try me," Unagiya said, pulling the DVD out of her cleavage.

"NO! IT BURNS! I can't bear to look at it!" Giselle responded. Even _she_ thought the series was repulsive. Now for those of you not familiar with the title, you have my sincerest condolences for the following knowledge. For those of you familiar with it: you have my deepest sympathies. For those of you unaware, School Days is a horrible anime which reaches levels of bad so high, even Fifty Shades of Gray and Twilight are lagging behind. Do not watch it, ever, if you value your sanity. How bad is it? Well, even Giselle- who, as previously established, had a condition where saying she had "issues" was like saying Hannibal Lecter had an eating disorder- might enjoy things like homicide, torture, and bathing in the blood of the innocents, would find that series plain _tasteless._

"We're going! We're going!" Candice exclaimed.

"Before we do," Meninas spoke up. "Where are Mr. Urahara and the black woman that work here?"

"She's not black, she's Indian. As in, person from India. I think. "Yoruichi Shihoin" sounds Indian, right?" Unagiya said ponderingly.

"I thought she just had a really strong tan," Bambietta said, frowning confusedly.

"Isn't it possible she's just black in a way you haven't seen before?" Giselle offered.

"Or a strange genetic experiment devised especially for sparking angry internet discussions about race ambiguity?" Liltotto hypothesized.

"Anyways, second off," Unagiya continued, "they're fixing the donut machine. They're being punished for the gravest of crimes."

"Like what?" Bambietta asked. "Fraud? Stealing from the company? Murdering a girl after a sex act gone wrong and then covering it up?"

"Uploading a video of me to youtube," Unagiya said with a voice of cold steel, "and that is a crime greater than any of the above _by far_."

Suffice to say, having a skewed perspective on reality was not unique to our five psychop- erm, heroes.

"Well anyhow, we're _all_ suffering if that donut machine isn't fixed," Liltotto said.

"Yes, but normally I have interns for that," Unagiya added. "And since they have to fix the machine, it's my job to get you all on task."

"Well, we've certainly been chit-chatting an awfully long time," Bambietta said. "Don't you think we should get a move on before all of those civilians get eaten or killed?"

"Pfft," Unagiya scoffed. "Everyone knows the plot doesn't progress until the heroes arrive at it. Thousands of innocents- well, Miami citizens- will have died when you get there, whether you get there in an hour or in two days."

"Imaginary Time?" Bambietta asked with a groan.

"Imaginary time," Unagiya answered. "Now then," she pushed a big red button on the wall. A ventilation hole on another wall opened, revealing a sideways sky entrance. "Have a safe trip."

"Right!" Bambietta exclaimed. "Red Wyvern!"

"Blue Bear!"

"Pink Tiger!"

"Black Cobra."

"Candice, why didn't you… oh right, you're already transformed," Bambietta said.

"Well, of course," Liltotto said, "We need to have _some_ consistency in this universe. That's storytelling 101."

"Uh… huh. Storytelling. Right." Bambietta said, unconvinced. She then cleared her throat, thrust her arm into the air and shouted, "Honey Badgers, away!" The team flew out and into the sky, taking off for Miami.

"Wait… honey badgers?" Unagiya said, sounding puzzled.

* * *

><p><strong>Miami, Florida<strong>

When the girls finally arrived on site, they found their target, a furry orange monster with a big nose jabbing out from its face, its eyes and mouth obscured by all the hair on it, was rampaging through the city with its big, clunky, warty claws.

"Dibs on not fighting it- one, two, three, not it!" Liltotto exclaimed.

"Not it!" Bambietta shouted.

"Not it!" Giselle shouted.

"Not it!" Meninas shouted.

"Not—" Candice started only to realize she was last. "Ah, fuck!" She flew off towards the monster with her loyal, fight-refusing nakama close by, but still trailing behind her. "Hey, asshole!" Candice shouted when she got within range. The monster turned its head to look at her. "Special delivery! Yellow Roc Thunderball!" She attacked the monster, whacking it over the head, but all it seemed to do was statically charge it.

"Listen up, you flaming lesbians!" The monster shouted. "Not that there's anything with that sort of thing, I don't have a problem with gay people, in fact some of my best friends are gay, and I'd never discriminate against any city I'm destroying based on sexual orientation...my name is Hairy Feet! You killed my senpai! Now he'll never notice me!"

"I'll tell you the same thing I told the last monster, tell it to someone who cares! Yellow Roc Divine Lightning!"

However, it turned out Candice's attack did absolutely nothing to the monster.

"Wait, your name is Hairy Feet?" Bambietta questioned, wincing.

"Ha!" Hairy Feet exclaimed. "I'm the anti-deus ex machina anti-protagonist monster that always appears in the second episode! I can only be defeated by Big Damn Heroes or the power of friendship, the latter of which you clearly lack!"

"Hey, fuck you!" Candice yelled, flipping off the creature. "We've got plenty of team spirit! Right, Meninas?"

Meninas suddenly pulled out her pompoms- undoubtedly from her larger-on-the-inside cleavage- and began cheering, "We've got spirit! Yes we do! We've got spirit, how about you?" Her breasts wobbled, not unlike a jelly pudding in slow motion.

"Why do your boobs bounce like that?" Bambietta asked. "Are they inflated or something?"

"Oh, it's because I have the biggest chest out of all of us, so 99% of the boob jokes get made at my expense. Don't worry, I'm fine with it. I choose to embrace my sexuality!"

"Wait, isn't that sexist?" Bambietta said quizzically.

"It's empowering!" Candice exclaimed cheerily.

"Or sexistly empowering!" Liltotto quipped.

"Man, feminism is really confusing," Bambietta murmured.

"It sure is!" Meninas said, waving her pom-poms further, bouncing her chest with gusto. She then followed up with a cheer of "Feminism! Feminism! Ra! Ra! Ra! Feminism! Feminism! La, di, da! Goooooo Feminism!" All the while her boobs continued to bounce around like flan being shot by bullets under a high speed camera.

"That's not fair! I want to have the biggest breasts!" Candice shouted. "I'm the sassy and foul-mouthed one, so I should ooze sex appeal!"

"Do _you_ have a 36G bust?" Meninas asked.

"Dammit!" Candice shouted in frustrated defeat. Her bust was only 36F.

"Why is your bust so damn huge?" Bambietta asked, hers only being 34E.

"It's an anime physics thing," Giselle said dismissively. "Sometimes your breasts are an F cup, sometimes a C, it all depends on how much the writers want to appeal to horny teenage boys."

"You'd think we would have severe back aches," Bambietta mumbled.

"Silly Bambi, these things are practically weightless!" Giselle exclaimed. "It's an anime physics thing. Don't question it."

"How would you know?" Candice asked, unamused. "You're only a 30B."

Having had enough with the comedy hour by the magical girls that killed his senpai, Hairy Feet swatted all of the girls out of the air with a strike of his talons, sending them towards the ground.

"Hey! That's not fair!" Bambietta shouted. "You can't attack us when we're having a conversation! That's against the rules!"

"Screw the rules, I'm a kaiju!"

As Hairy Feet prepared to stomp on our heroes, a blue arrow went sailing through the air and tore through Hairy Feet's fur. The shooter was a young man with chin length black hair with a bluish tint to it. He was wearing a pair of sunglasses and an all-white uniform, complete with a cape. He was carrying an intricately designed bow and arrow in his right hand, but strangely though, he had no quiver to speak of.

"O beautiful and faithful maidens of justice, the messenger on the arrow has arrived!" He exclaimed, "For I am he who protects the innocent lives of Miami and all who cry out for peace everywhere! I! AM! The White Cross With The Flawlessly Sewn Clothes! Let all evildoers know fear, and be bathed in the radiance of my glorious light and fabulous clothing, and know that justice is coming their way! I am the scourge of the wicked, the saving angel of the innocent, the helper of those in need, rescuer of the weak and ailing! I! AM! JUSTICE!"

"Whoa, what a dreamboat," Meninas cooed.

"Is this guy for real?" Bambietta remarked, unimpressed.

"What do you want, you pajama wearing pretty boy?" Hairy Feet asked The White Cross with the Flawlessly Sewn Clothes.

"Is that really what we're going to call him?" Candice asked.

"He's so dreamy," Meninas swooned. "I wonder if he has a girlfriend."

"Oh yeah, with fabulous clothes like those, I'm _sure_ a _girlf_riend is what he's looking for," Bambietta said sarcastically.

"Actually, sewing was traditionally a male profession in older times," Liltotto interjected. "The More You Know!"

"I bet he has abs," Meninas said dreamily, "and a really big cock." She stared at him with blatant lust, of a kind where if stares could strip people naked, The White Cross With The Flawlessly Sewn Clothes would be naked and chained to a bed.

"Both of you are not helping!" Candice snapped at her.

"What I want is justice! Justice all the lives you have taken and were going to take! Now taste the wrath of my bow and arrow!"

The White Cross unleashed a massive arrow from his bow that vanquished the monster in one attack. He then disappeared just as mysteriously as he had appeared in the first place.

"Well that was anti-climactic and uber convenient," Bambietta stated.

"Ditto," Candice remarked. "So as long as we have time to kill, who's up for going to Universal Studios and Disney World?"

"Aye~!"

* * *

><p><strong>Beverly Hills<strong>

Student council vice-president, Uryu Ishida, was just closing his locker before heading for his homeroom. He had a lot of work to do today, just like every other day in his life: heading the sewing club, managing the student council's affairs, studying, doing origami, doing all his homework twice, especially math (because you had to let yourself have _some_ fun), tending to the school garden, striking dramatic and aloof poses which made 95% of all girls (and 5% of boys) swoon, act cold and professional in such a way that he seemed like he was really a sensitive soul who put up a cold front because of his tragic past (which wasn't really tragic, but that was beside the point), make lunch, fight off bullies, and working on ending world hunger.

As Uryu turned away from his locker, he came face to face with Bambietta Basterbine. Her nakama were off a bit away from her, but still within Uryu's line of sight. "Can I help you, Miss Basterbine?" The bespectacled, black haired youth with a bluish tint, asked as he adjusted his glasses, looking at Bambietta condescendingly.

"Yeah, you can start by putting these on," Bambietta said, switching Uryu's glasses for sunglasses.

"Ah, hey!" he protested.

"Aha! I knew it!" Bambietta said, deductively pointing her index finger at Uryu. "You're The White Cross!"

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," Uryu said, taking his glasses back. He then adjusted them slyly with his middle finger.

"Don't play dumb! I know it's you! You didn't even bother to distort your voice, you moron! And your hair is exactly the same! God damn it, if you're going to be a secret crime fighter, at least put some effort into your disguise!"

"But… but, that's…" Uryu was cornered like a rat, with its foot caught in a trap.

"Aha! I knew it!" Bambietta exclaimed.

Meninas gasped. "He is? But Uryu's so white, pasty, dorky and nerdy! He's a total skinny geek with bad teeth and bony ankles and totally un-sexy hair,and The White Cross with the Flawlessly Sewn Clothes is so…not any of that."

"Girl, what planet do you live on?" Candice asked, dumbfounded by Meninas' selective obliviousness.

At this, the courts petitioned to appeal the previous verdict on Meninas being a sadist.

"But that's not fair! No one knows that you're the Mahou Shoujo Niji Tenshi, the lovely beautiful maidens I've sworn to protect with my very life!"

"Fair's for losers," Bambietta said dismissively, spitting in his general direction, "now how the hell did you happen to find us?"

"I, er," Uryu said, sweating a little, "I was erm, offered a very generous deal by Miss Unagiya."

"That means he was blackmailed," Giselle said, nodding knowingly.

"I was not!" Uryu snapped. "Miss Unagiya is a wonderful person, who would never do such a thing! She especially did not threaten me or members of my family with a really horrible anime!"

"Does she have her own red light saber?" Bambietta said sarcastically.

"How did you know?!" Uryu said, flinching.

"Wait, she does? I was just kidding."

"Maybe she really is a sith lord, whatever that is," Meninas said innocently.

"I think she'd kill you for saying that," Candice said dryly.

"still, what are we supposed to do now?" Uryu said. "You're not supposed to know about my identity just like no one in school is supposed to know about yours."

"Hmm," Bambietta said, tapping a finger to her chin. "What does the manual say, Liltotto?"

"Exactly what he said, Bambi-chan."

"Then we need to rectify this immediately!" Bambietta exclaimed.

"How?" Uryu asked. "What are you going to do?"

All the girls- except Meninas- began letting out sinister chuckles. "Hey, come on Meninas," Giselle said. "You have to chuckle too, or it's no good."

"Oh, but I can't do that," Meninas said. "I'm physically incapable."

"Bullshit," Bambietta stated flat out.

"I can show you," Meninas said. She then proceeded to try and do a sinister chuckle only for it to sound like she was coughing and sneezing at the same time.

Everyone, including Uryu stared at Meninas as she looked disappointed in herself due to her failure. _SO MOE!_

* * *

><p>So what was Bambietta's master plan? Take over the school in a fit of anarchy, of course. Why not? It's not like anyone was going to try and pick a fight with five magical girls. Besides, by her logic, if everyone knew about their identities, then there were really no identities to begin with.<p>

After summarily executing the principal, and declaring themselves the new rulers of the school, it took roughly five minutes before half the school looked like it had been hit by a bombshell, Bambietta using her explosions to replicate Stalingrad during the second world war, or possibly making postmodern, really edgy art.

In the ensuing chaos, Giselle began hogtieing all of the bespectacled, moe freshmen with big boobs. Because, in her experience, nobody could scream and cry for mercy quite like a nerdy-looking, big-boobed schoolgirl. There was something about the whole moe thing that just made them irresistible to torment. It made all her girly parts tingle, which in reality translated to a raging stiffy, which may or may not be metaphorical.

Realizing how effective it was, Liltotto threatened most of the student body to hand over their lunch or she'd introduce them to her boss, who had access to the weapon of mass destruction known as School Days. She then demanded the cafeteria ladies make her an entire buffet. Liltotto was not without mercy though, and graciously forced the other students to sit and beg on their knees, for which they were rewarded with delicious crusts of bread, which were only halfway stale.

Meninas simply did what she always wanted to do at school: dive into the pool buck naked. She had a feeling that Grand Overseer Sarkeesian might disapprove, but fuck it- anarchy was all about doing whatever you wanted. Or something like that. She got some stares, but by some odd hentai logic, before long, most of everyone else had also stripped down naked. Anarchy fucking ruled!

As this was going on, Candice shook a yellow spray paint can and began spraying the words "Fuck the Police!" all over the western wall of the school, just as she had done in various other parts of the school in other colors.

"Really, Candice?" Bambietta asked, "Can't you come up with something a little more creative? I mean, everyone hates on the police, and I have no idea why. Sting is a great singer!"

"I'm making a statement, not a five paragraph essay!" Candice snapped.

"Just asking for a little variety," Bambietta shrugged.

"Oh, you want variety! I'll show you variety!" Candice exclaimed. Bambietta was floored, when Candice suddenly stripped off her civvies and panties.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Bambietta shouted. "We're going to get the MA rating for this!"

"No we're not," Candice said, and she started spray painting her behind. "Oooh, that's cold," she yelped, and then tapped her ass to the wall, before strapping on and rebuckling her pants back on. She then tagged, "Lolz, buttcheeks" with a backwards b and k next to her imprint. Clearly, she was the apex of maturity.

Bambietta stared blankly at Candice's handiwork as she juggled the paint can in her hand.

"Satisfied?"

"Why do I hang out with you again?"

"Cause if it wasn't for me you wouldn't be infamous to ants everywhere since the time you were nine."

"Oh yeah."

The two girls were interrupted, as the deep growl of a motorcycle engine made itself heard in the distance. Preceding it, however, was the low beat of a pop song obnoxious in a way only 2000s pop could be.

Dun-dun-dun-dunn

I'm bringing sexy back

"I'd know that douchey song anywhere!" Candice gasped.

_**Dun-dun-dun-dunn**_

_**And all the girls they don't know how to act**_

Stopping his motorcycle, and waking up toward Candice, brimming with the energy of a sexual tyrannosaurus, it was Grimmjow Jaegerjaques. He wore black leather pants, no shirt, and an opened black leather vest, because real men do not wear sleeves. Naturally, he was tattooed, in all sorts of places, and brimming with the hunkiness that could bring a millions fangirls to their knees. With all that black leather, and showy musculature, you might have thought he was gay- if not for how he got more pussy than a crazy cat lady at an animal shelter. He was the certified badass of the city, a grade A manwhore, Billy Idol impersonator, and Candice's first wet dream. It was unknown whether it was Grimmjow's inherent sexiness that caused Justin Timberlake to continuously loop around him, or whether he was that sexy because of Justin Timberlake. Much like the chicken and the egg, it was a pointless question.

"H-hi Grimmjow," Candice shivered. She always turned into a wet mess whenever he was near.

He stared at her graffiti positively mesmerized and said, "Wow, that's so deep and complex! I can totally see a sort of abstract Van Gogh sense of wonder and awe in this, but then again it also reminds me of early Picasso! Whoever wrote this really like, looks into my soul and stuff."

"I did it," Candice answered, staring at Grimmjow's firm abs.

"Huh? Hey, ain't you that Juvie that's always getting arrested for shoplifting and assault?"

"Y-yeah," Candice said. _He's looking right at me!_

"You know, I used to think you were just starving for attention, but now I can see you really have a deep understanding of the world." He then grinned like the jerkass he was. "What's say you and me go tear up the city on my motorbike?"

"I'd love to," Candice said as she couldn't clutch her arms to Grimmjow's fast enough.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Bambietta asked.

"Somewhere better than here!" Candice said tearing off her tight, cropped top, leaving on only her bra. She and Grimmjow then hopped on the latter's motorbike as she yelled, "WOOOHOOO!" as they drove away together, as Candice's ovaries nearly combusted with pure lust and joy.

* * *

><p><strong>At a remote location<strong>

**On a deserted island**

"The good news is, we fixed the doughnut machine!" Urahara said enthusiastically, waving around a screwdriver which may or may not have been sonic.

"The bad news?" Ikumi asked flatly.

"I haven't the faintest idea what you could be referring to, chief," Urahara said.

"What. Did they do. This time?"

"Well," Yoruichi said, laughing nervously, "it's funny, really. You're going to laugh."

"_Am I now?_" Ikumi said with a voice so icily cold that Elsa of Arendell would, by comparison, have seemed like a tropical hula-hula girl.

"We-ell," Yoruichi said, her nervous laughter increasing somewhat, "they killed the kaiju! Isn't that great?"

"That is _not_ the whole of it. If it were, you wouldn't be sweating rivers." Ikumi said coldly, her tone approaching absolute zero.

"Am I now? Goodness me!" Yoruichi said, exuding sweat of a kind only seen in anime. "Well, er, you see, the thing about this is..."

"_Speak up._" Ikumi said mercilessly.

"The thing is, that it's sort of like this, that well, in a way you could describe it as... well, it's complicated!"

"_Talk. _Or I'll feed you to the dogs.

"What dogs?" Yoruichi asked.

"You know, the three-headed, elephant-sized dogs we breed in our genetics lab?"

"Those are real? I thought that was just your script for a monster film! You know, the one where man tampers with nature, and it backfires?" Urahara asked.

"Nature is my BITCH. So, _talk!_"

"Well, you see..." Yoruichi said, slowly edging toward the door, "_the thing is,_ Kisuke will explain!" Yoruichi squealed, and bolted for the door. "SOIFON!" She yelled, as she ran out at what had to be supersonic speed, "PACK YOUR BAGS! WE'RE GOING ON VACATION! IN SIBERIA!"

"TRAITOR!" Kisuke shouted, but dared not follow her. Pinned under Ikumi's glare, he said...

"...theymaypossiblysortofmaybehavekilledtheirprincipalanddestroyedhalftheschoolpleasedon'tkillme!"

He managed to say this in under two seconds, which was impressive in and of itself- and it meant it took a while for Ikumi's mind to catch up.

"...they what?" She said flatly.

"Did I say kill the principal and destroy half the school? I meant behaved like model citizens." Kisuke lied.

"There are _seven billion people_ in this world," Ikumi snarled, "and out of all those, you just _had_ to pick the five most psychotic, unstable teenagers possible. Do you have _any idea_ what a PR nightmare this will be? Do you have any idea how many politicians are resistant to mind tricks?!"

"I thought you weren't a sith lord!" Urahara squealed.

"Well, _the god damn narrator isn't exactly fucking consistent, is he?!"_ She roared. "You worthless, useless, scientifically illiterate belieber of a man! I should tear the flesh from your bones and make you read bad poetry in public!"  
>"Hey, hey, hey!" Urahara protested. "It's not <em>my<em> fault the plot is contrived to be as random and destructive as possible! I'm just a pawn in the great game of nerdy authors!"

"Well, you know what they say about pawns," Ikumi growled.

"They're valuable pieces which should be given second chances if they make small mistakes?" Urahara asked, sweating even more profusely than Yoruichi.

Ikumi leaned in, an evil grin on her face. "Try again."

"YORUICHI!" Urahara cried, and tried to run for the door. "TAKE ME WITH YOU! WE'LL GO TO THE SOUTH POLE- ARGH!"

It was too late; Ikumi had grabbed his shirt, and held it in a vice-like grip.

"To the cellar with you, you naughty boy," she said, dragging him to the elevator. "I think it's time I gave you a lesson in what happens to employees who are bad, but also not unattractive."

"Not the spiked ballgag!" Urahara squealed. "We'll get an MA rating for sure!"

"Oh, Kisuke," Ikumi said with a devilish grin, as she dragged him into the elevator and pressed the button that said "cellar", "we're _way_ past that point. Like they say on the internet, prepare you anus."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kisuke shouted, in his best impersonation of Anakin Skywalker.

**END**

* * *

><p><strong>(AN: I really don't know what to say at the ends of these chapters. Usually I'm all hyper and cheery and joking, but with this series enough of that is done that I feel like I'm blathering. Special thanks again to Greatkingrat88 for his continued additions and editing to make this series hilarious. Special help as well to my buddies Vogoshinki and The Real Brick for great ideas to assist me in breaking new ground as this is the first fanfic where I've thrown caution to the wind and gone for straight up comedy)**


	3. Episode 3

**(A/N: With every chapter I write the series seems to spawn more creativity out of me for the lolz…except this one. I bring a warning to EVERYONE. This chapter has some unleaded Nightmare Fuel. If you laugh, it'll be because of nerves. Don't know if you'll like this or hate this, but know that this is the turning point in the series and that while the crack comedy is a major theme…well the plot has to kick in eventually, yeah? …what little plot there is).**

Disclaimer: Bleach is owned by Tite Kubo. Cameo appearances are also owned by their respective companies. Special thanks to Greatkingrat88 whose additions to this series go unnoticed by many, but truly without him I could never achieve 100% mindfuck efficiency for this series.

* * *

><p><strong>Beverly Hills, California<strong>

With Ryuko Matoi High School under their control, our heroes were living the good life. They got straight As, didn't take shit from nobody, and were on their way to successful careers in the UCLA. The local and state governments had tried and failed to take them on. The federal government was still moving its ass to mobilize. _Thanks, Obama! _

How a school full of students with Japanese names, named for a Japanese girl, was located in a perfectly English-speaking American city was anybody's guess-

"Hey! California has a sizeable Asian community, you racist asshole shit narrator!" Candice shouted angrily. "It can totally make sense if you just do some fucking research!"

...yes, it just so happened that all ethnically Japanese people conveniently attended the same high school, and just so happened to live out all kinds of anime clichés while they were there, but they were all _totally 100% American_.

"Research, motherfucker!" Candice cheered, waving her fist. "Murica!"

Since the girls had brutally murdered their principal—and Giselle had sewn his eyes and mouth shut and stuffed it with reindeer testicles and propped him up as a scarecrow out front—they were under no obligation to follow school rules and policies. The whole school stood beneath them, and they loved every minute of it.

At present, Liltotto was in the library looking up porn on the school computer. Not masturbating to it, mind you, just marvelling at how many people loved dickgirls spanking latex-wearing midgets with beef steaks. The internet was sometimes wonderful, sometimes disgusting, and sometimes just _weird._

Bambietta was in the middle of a construction project. You might say that would be a rarity, but construction, in this case, involved destroying the entire western wing—though she did excavate and display Candice's… artwork out in the front yard—and the playground, and putting a carnival in its place. She was currently examining the blueprints of where to put the Merry-go-round.

Giselle was back in her favorite classroom doing what she did best in that classroom: teach.

"And this, class, is what it looks like when a giraffe has sex with a sheep!" she exclaimed joyfully. Somehow the twisted little teenager had managed to get live animals of both species in the classroom. She didn't have to force the giraffe to do anything. It's a little known facts that Giraffes are the manwhores of the animal kingdom; they'll fuck anything they come across, lions, zebras, people, inaminate objects... The More You Didn't Need To Know!

"This goes against the natural order of everything I know about in the animal kingdom!" Chizuru Honsho exclaimed.

Yes, unfortunately for her students, Bambietta was not teaching to a room full of corpses this time. She was, instead, teaching all the bespectacled, moe freshmen she'd captured from last chapter. Okay, maybe she made a few exceptions. She needed a full classroom after all.

"I wanna go home!" one of the girls exclaimed, and started crying.

"Oh, but you can't go home," Giselle said. "The giraffe hasn't come yet. Don't look away. This will be on the test."

Suddenly one of the girls screamed, but not because of Giselle's lesson. "TARANTULA!" she shrieked.

Giselle looked at the hairy arachnid sitting on the girl's head the size of her skull. "Oh, that's just Mitzy," the 15-year-old said, "don't worry, she's harmless."

"My brain is being eaten," the girl gasped for dear life.

"That means she likes you!" Giselle exclaimed cheerfully with a nod.

While Giselle continued to traumatize students, Meninas was doing her best to un-traumatize them in the nurse's office. …what? She _is_ a nice person. …sometimes.

"Now, just hold still," she said to one of the sophomore boys as she rubbed his shoulders, "this might hurt a little." Unfortunately, Meninas simply did not know her own strength when it came to giving massages and wound up breaking her underclassman's shoulder. He screamed in pain. "Oh, you poor thing, you must really be traumatized."

…well at least her heart was in the right place.

And while all this was going on, Candice was not skipping school, and was currently on an important errand.

"What do you mean you're out of Big League Chew?" she shouted at the pharmaceutical receptionist.

…okay important for _her_.

* * *

><p><strong>Meanwhile on the planet Uranius<strong>

In a small floating space station, a woman in her thirties wearing a green, yellow and purple robe emerged from a suspension capsule. She was carrying a staff, and wore a stone helmet on her head that resembled the top of a rabbit's head.

"Aahh," she said, relaxingly, "After one hundred and sixty years I'm finally free!" she walked over to the giant ass telescope that somehow let her spy all the way to Earth. "It's time for me to have my revenge on Earth!"

This evil woman goes by the name of Bunny Moon. Her real name is Usagi Tsuki, but the dubbing companies screwed her name up in translation, mainly by actually translating her name. It's a scientifically established fact that everything sounds cooler in Japanese, after all. She had tried to take over the world as a result, and ended up ejected into space. Why her ejection capsule came with a fully automated space station and giant ass telescope that the American Government _could_ be using to see out into space was anybody's guess, although it was probably just best not to ask. Some mysteries can and should not be answered, unless the answerers are named Bill Nye or Neil Degrasse Tyson.

"Finally! I shall have my revenge on 4Kids Entertainment!And Justin Bieber! I've been plotting this scam for twenty years, and it shall finally come to fruition!

Wait, if you've been planning it for twenty years, doesn't that only count as a quarter of a year on Earth? And... wait, what, what did Justin Bieber do to you?

"Silence, peon!" Bunny Moon yelled at the narrator. "Once I find the Hollownomicon somewhere aboard this station and unleash the hollows, the Earth shall taste the wrath of Bunny Moon!" She shivered with disgust, and continued, "and that prick Justin totally stood me up once! I was his biggest fan, and I was supposed to get to go backstage and be his groupie and let him disrespectfully use my body in every way he wanted, leaving me feeling disillusioned and hollow inside! But then... he just _had_ to have leprosy that one night! The bastard!"

Uhm. Okay. You do know leprosy isn't something you have just for the one night-

Bunny Moon let out a long, maniacal evil laugh.

Right…very creepy, moving on.

* * *

><p><strong>Beverly Hills, California<strong>

While Bunny Moon was wrapped up in her evil plan of revenge, maniacal laughter, and preparing her villainous speeches, Candice was returning to the school from her errand. Bambietta was in the middle of watering the school plants with gasoline.

"What happened to your carnival project?" Candice asked her.

"My clown said he wanted exploding plants," Bambietta explained.

"Oh. Well, I brought the goods," Candice said, holding up a plastic bag.

"Ooooh," Bambietta said, dropping the gasoline canister, "lunch!"

She pulled out a paper bag of Burger King burgers from the plastic bag and began to eat. "So," she said to Candice as she chewed, "Why do you come here anyway? You have the boy of your dreams now, and you get straight As. Nobody takes attendance. You could play hooky every day and still get your diploma."

"I have to," Candice answered, "The feds say so."

"What?" Bambietta asked, disbelievingly. "What happened to all that "fuck the police" nonsense you were on about last chapter?"

"Oh, I'll take on the local police any day," Candice said as she continued to devour her Big Mac. She got lunch from several different places. "But even I'm not crazy enough to provoke the federal government. You have any idea what they do to girls like me in federal prison? I'd have to wear freaking _orange!_"

Bambietta was not impressed. "Candice, you can sling lightning bolts the size of skyscrapers. I think you can handle federal prison."

"That's what they all say!" She exclaimed. "Don't you remember what happened to Senna?"

"Who's Senna?"

"Exactly!"

At this, Giselle entered. "Ooooh! Something smells good!"

"It's lunch. Here!" Bambietta said, picking up Giselle's bag of Arby's, and handed it to her.

"Oooh, goody. I'm starving. When you kill a sheep while a giraffe orgasms into its bloody corpse and then make haggis, and then feed it to said Giraffe, you work up quite an appetite."

Bambietta was both confused and put off her meal. "...aren't you teaching sex ed?"

"I am!" Giselle answered.

Bambietta stopped eating for a moment, pushed everything that Giselle had just said out of her mind and continued eating like it was no big deal.

"Ooh! Is lunch ready?" Meninas asked, bounding inside.

"Yup, here!" Candice exclaimed, tossing her a bag of candy. "They didn't have bubblegum, but I got you the next best thing."

"Ooh! Taffy!" Meninas exclaimed, admiring it.

Liltotto groaned, and collapsed on top of the principal's desk as she entered.

"Overeat again?" Candice asked. Liltotto groaned. "I told you, you shouldn't overeat at the cafeteria. How many times is that now?"

"One by the reader's count?" Liltotto asked, putting her hands over her eyes.

"You know damn well that offscreen eating counts as well!" Candice exclaimed.

"Bite me. Status Quo dictates that my figure will always be the same, so I can have all the doughnuts I want-"

Their argument was cut short, as they were all abruptly teleported into the Unagiya corp headquarters, without warning.

"Agh! What the hell, Unagiya! We were in the middle of lunch!" All Unagiya had to do was menacingly flash the School Days DVD, and Candice fell in line. "Er, I mean, what can we do for you to day, Mistress Unagiya the gloriously beautiful. Did you lose weight? And did anybody tell you that suit tells people you look like a strong independent woman who don't need no man, yet still attractive and desirable without looking slutty?"

"Our company's most feared nemesis is back to exact her revenge! She's opened the gateway to the scariest place on Earth where the souls of the damned and heartless roam wild."

"You mean, Mexico?" Giselle asked.

Unagiya grimaced. "I mean Hueco Mundo, you racist brat."

"Yeah, that's what I said," Giselle said innocently.

Even Unagiya wasn't touching that one. "...right. Anyway, Hueco Mundo has been opened, and it's up to you brats to beat up whatever comes out of it and beat up the witch in charge: Bunny Moon!"

"Pffffft!" Candice and Bambietta sputtered as they covered their mouths. Both of them then fell over onto the ground, rolling on the floor laughing. They had never heard of a more ridiculous name in all of their lives, except possibly in Naruto. Seriously, who names their hero "fish cake"?

The witch, though... some people were born with the unfortunate fate of being filler characters, a handicap so grave that you might end up with a name like Bunny Moon, a deficit so serious that you would be eligible for state welfare just by having it.

Unagiya facepalmed. "Ugh."

"Go on, Ms. Ikumi," Liltotto encouraged. She was eager to hear about the assignment.

"Right. Well, the reason her name is so laughably bad is because the translators botched it when this series got translated into English."

Candice and Bambietta finally stopped laughing as the former asked, "Wait, isn't this series written by an American to start with?"

Bambietta gasped at Candice in horror. "What are you doing? You can't insert logic into this show! Just because we're a spin-off, it doesn't mean we're any less inclined to follow the rules!"

"I'm pretty sure we broke every rule that ever existed already the moment we opened our mouths," Liltotto said flatly.

Unagiya was having none of this. She was at the end of her rope. Her agents had had no luck locating Yoruichi in Siberia, and Urahara was, well...

* * *

><p><em><strong>Earlier...<strong>_

_Sizeable clouds of smoke puffed upwards, as Urahara and Ikumi both collapsed back at the bed, both perfectly exhausted. Ikumi was wearing a leather corset and nothing else, while Urahara was handcuffed to the bed, with whip marks all over his chest and back, a ball gag hanging around his neck._

"_You sure haven't lost your touch," Urahara said, somehow having managed to light a cigarette without using his hands; presumably he had used the force._

"_You were all right too, slave," Ikumi said, smiling mischievously as she cracked a manyheaded leather whip. "It's been too long..."_

"_It sure has," Urahara nodded. You see, that scene that ended last chapter? I bet you all thought we were making a rape joke, but little did you know it was perfectly consensual BDSM all along._

"_And not the trashy, horrible kind you see in the movies these days," Ikumi sneered, "I may be an evil overlord-"_

"_Or possibly a benevolent boss, we're not clear on that-" Urahara cut in,_

"_Right, that, but as I was saying, I may be ambiguously evil, but I know safe, sane and consensual."_

"_Unlike that horrible Twilight fanfic." Urahara nodded enthusiastically._

"_But on that note..." Ikumi said, with a gleam in her eye, "it's time for your real punishment."_

"_Uh, what?" Urahara said with a look of horror on his face. "But you gave me like forty lashes! You used a buttplug, and it wasn't a small one either! You humiliated me for hours!"_

"_It's not punishment if you enjoyed every moment of it," Ikumi said, getting off the bed, starting to get dressed, "no, I have something else in mind."_

"_NO! NOT THAT ANIME! NOT SCHOOL D-"_

"_Oh shut up, you drama queen," Ikumi said, magically having put on her business suit in two seconds flat. "I save that for _real_ fuckups. No, you... you're going to be listening to postmodern poetry, as written by white middleclass emo teenagers, who are absolutely sure nobody on earth has it worse than them because their dad is uncool and won't buy them their own car."_

"_...you monster..." Urahara gasped._

"_Have fun, slave," Ikumi smirked, and pressed a remote. A CD went into the stereo system, and as Ikumi walked out, it began._

"_My pain is like a black, dying rose, trampled on by the cruel indifference of normal society," a dispassionate, slightly lisping voice began, "none can understand what I must endure, as the leaves drop like ashes from the trees..."_

"_NOOOO! NOOOO! GOD, NO! WHYYYYYYYY!" Urahara screamed._

* * *

><p><strong>Present <strong>

"Look, all of you just shut up, go to where the plot is, beat up the Hollow and..." Unagiya sighed. "You can go back to being anarchic teenagers in Beverly Hills."

"Sweet!" Bambietta exclaimed.

"Wait a second. You're being way too nice to us today. What's going on?" Candice asked.

Unagiya massaged the brim of her nose. "After your last stint, I realized that getting you to fix the damage you did would be... pointless. I am coming to terms with the fact that you are all horrible people without so much as a decent atom in your body."

"Yeah!" Bambietta cheered.

"..._anyway_, I spent most of today using the force of my mind to convince various politicians that these are not the magical girls you are looking for-"

"By 'force of mind', you mean your connections, power, status, and whatever dirt you had to keep them in line, right?" Bambietta said.

"...sure. Anyway, to sum things up, I've realized that it will be better for my sanity if I just stop getting upset every time you fuck up. Good grief, my therapy bills would cost more than my yearly income... so just go and do your thing, okay?"

"Sounds good to us," Bambietta said with a smile. "All in favor?"

"Aye~!"

"Right! Honey Badgers, Aw—"

"Hold on for one second there!" Unagiya shouted as she grabbed Bambietta by her hair. "You aren't going anywhere until you tell me what this Honey Badger business was about. Last I checked, you five are supposed to be the Mahou Shoujo Niji Tenshi!"

Meninas gave her answer in cheer. "We love our name because it's cool! Mahou Shoujo, way too plain! Niji Tenshi, way too lame! Honey Badgers! Ra! Ra! Ra! Honey Badgers! La, di, da! Goooo Honey Badgers!"

"Absolutely not." Ikumi said, rubbing her temples. 'Honey badgers' is gayer and lamer than a paraplegic Elton John. I may have resigned myself to you being awful people, but I _am_ still your boss! Mahou Shoujou Niji Tenshi, it is!"

"Honey Badgers, because we don't give a fuck! Stop oppressing us, maaan!" Bambietta shot back.

"Mahou shoujou!" Ikumi insisted, glaring and leaning forward.

"Honey Badgers!" Bambietta cried, leaning forward right back.

"Mahou shoujou!"

"Honey badgers!"

"_Mahou shoujou!"_

"_Honey badgers!"_

The two of them were at this point basically butting heads, and Urahara- who had been sitting in, albeit looking a bit harrowed- was busy taking pictures with his Iphone 5000XTREME, which was so cutting edge that it was said to contain a part of Steve Jobs' soul.

"Is it wrong that I am feeling kind of aroused right now?" He asked, grinning. "If it is, then I don't want to be right."

"MAHOU SHOUJOU!" Ikumi screeched.

"HONEY BADGERS!" Bambietta shouted back.

"MAHOU SHOUJOU!"

"MAHOU SHOUJOU!" Bambietta cried.

"HONEY BADGERS!" Ikumi roared with fury in her voice.

"MAHOU SHOUJOU!"

"**HONEY BADGERS, AND THAT'S FINAL, YOUNG LADY! DON'T MAKE ME FORCE CHOKE YOU!" **Ikumi roared at the top of her lungs, with a voice that would have made Norio Wakamoto proud.

"...okay." Bambietta said, sounding suspiciously intimidated. "You heard her, girls- from now on we're known as the honey badgers."

"You're damn right!" Ikumi shouted. "Now get out there and be magical girls, or so help me I'll... I'll..."

"KAYTHANKSBYE!" The mischievous group cried as one, and sped away towards their new objective.

"Just wait for it..." Urahara said, grinning.

"...son of a bitch." Ikumi growled. "I need an aspirin..."

* * *

><p><strong>Chicago, Illonois<strong>

Upon arriving in Chicago, our heroes gazed down on the city from above watching as the hollow Grand Fisher began chasing people through the streets, his large jaws snapping like he was Pac-man.

"That's what she's so afraid of?" Bambietta asked, dumbfounded.

"Pssht, he's the size of a flea," Candice mocked. "Erm, relatively speaking to the size of everything else we've fought, of course."

"Why don't you girls take a load off?" Giselle asked. She suddenly pulled out a Hollywood Chainsaw and revved it up. Hollywood Chainsaws, for those of you unaware, are the special chainsaws only found in movies that only need to be yanked once to turn on, are practically weightless, cut through anything, and never run out of power. "I'll handle our little hamster friend here." Giselle had that creepy perverse look on her face that she did whenever she watched a slash horror film. Bambietta and the others all believed it was time to make themselves scarce on the nearest rooftop and wait.

Giselle then charged into battle against Grand Fisher, chainsaw blaring loudly and started by cutting him in half, covering herself in the monster's blood. She then began slicing up Grand Fisher into little bloody pieces, all the while laughing maniacally. As Grand Fisher resembled less a physical being and more a heaving, steaming mess of pure blood and flesh, Giselle's laughter became louder and more hysterical. As she severed his head from his neck, she held the chainsaw by its handle down by her crotch, and moaned deeply, her face going almost as red with excitement as the blood covering her body, as she orgasmed. Multiple times.

"That was great," she cooed.

"Why do we let her hang around with us again?" Candice asked, with a disturbed look.

"Because I'm afraid of what she'll do if we just leave her alone," Bambietta answered.

"Still, that was easier than expected," Meninas said. "In the spirit of victory, shall we all celebrate with Chicago deep dish pizza?"

"Aye~!"

* * *

><p><strong>Uranus<strong>

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOO!" Bunny Moon shouted, stomping her feet in a circle. "It's not fair! I thought I summoned the best creature! He was a B-class threat! Stupid book!" she threw the Hollownomicon at the wall, only for it to fall onto the floor to a page that would benefit her because the Hollownomicon was there for every villain's diablous ex machina needs.

"Hmmm?" Bunny Moon scanned over the spell on the page. "AHAHAHAHA! Perfect!" She put her eye to her gigantic telescope and shouted as she kept her hands on the spell. "Rise! O great and terrible hollow! By the powers of the Hollownomicon, make my summon grow!"

Wait, all you need is a spell? What about that staff you're carrying?

"Pfft, I can't throw my staff all the way to Earth? Are you mad, sir?"

Er, no, not since last I checked.

* * *

><p><strong>Chicago, Illonois<strong>

As Giselle continued playing hopscotch with Grand Fisher's kidney, while wearing his Liver as a hat, having just finished playing jump rope with his trachea, she was surprised when a dark light consumed all of the pieces. "Eh?"

Suddenly, Grand Fisher was a very human-like creature 2/3 of the size of the Chicago Handcock tower, wielding a sword as big as his body. Because as we all know, when you start out as a monster, your power level is proportional to how human you look. An amorphous blob summoned by the most dark, blasphemous and heretical rites, consumer of worlds and devourer of souls, was on average going to last twenty minutes against even a generic hero, while a humanoid monster was guaranteed to require at least heroic willpower, or Big Damn Heroes to the rescue, or maybe even a heroic sacrifice- or possibly all three of them.

"Ooh, that's a bit big for my chainsaw, even if I had a bigger chainsaw." Giselle said cheerfully. She looked at the girls as they were walking away from the hotdog stand with two pizza boxes. "Hey girls, a little teamwork here, please?"

"Huh?" Candice looked at Giselle, looked at the monster, looked at her pizza and then back at Giselle. "Nope," she smirked. "No can do. All you, Giselle!" she gave her a thumb's up.

If it was Bambietta, she would've thrown a hissy fit, if it was Liltotto she would've lectured her with logic and Meninas would've whined and given her puppy eyes. However, Giselle couldn't be happier to here that she got to fight a giant monster all by herself.

"EH? REALLY?!"

Candice had just wanted to eat the pizza, but she rolled with it and winked, "Yup, all you girl!"

Bambietta, however, was not so enthusiastic about the prospect. "Candice! What are you doing? We can't let her fight that thing alone, she'll—MMPH!"

Candice clamped her free hand over Bambietta's mouth. "Yup! All you, Giselle! Have fun! Come on girls!" she dragged her team down an alleyway.

As she let go of Bambietta's mouth, the young pyromaniac shouted, "What are you doing, Candice? We can't let Giselle fight that thing alone!"

"No sweat, she'll be fine."

"_She's_ not the one I'm worried about!" Bambietta shouted.

"Pfft, what's the worst that can happen?" Candice asked. As if on cue, a dark light began emanating up over the top of the building that made up half of the alleyway the girls were in. Candice peeked her head around the corner to see the light coming from Giselle.

"BWAHAHAHA! They sent a little girl to deal with the likes of me, Grand Fisher? I've eaten hero women twice your age for breakfast!

"Oh? You have? How did it taste?" Giselle asked, genuinely curious.

"Like Bacon," Grand Fisher answered with a sadistic grin hoping to scare Giselle off.

"Mmmmmm, I love bacon, but I always thought MILFs tasted like chicken," Giselle answered. She began drooling with a depraved look. "I wonder how you'll taste. You're the first hollow I've ever met."

"...what?" Grand Fisher said, and though his face did not allow for much expression, there was something disconcerted about his voice- he was not used to this kind of enthusiasm. Looking into her eyes, he started wondering who really was the monster of this story...

Giselle then tilted her head 90 degrees, making an audible crack. Her eyes turned bloodshot and began bleeding down her cheek. With her tongue, Giselle licked in part of the blood.

"Let's do this, **Lovecraft style**!" Giselle's body suddenly twisted and contorted in ways that would make any sane and normal human being die. She began to grow, swell and expand, until she was the same size as Grand Fisher. She had the appearance of a giant, combing mecha, except blood was dripping from some of the exposed mechanical parts. Giselle's right leg was made from a purple rabbit, the left leg was made from a yellow chicken, her right arm was a red fox, and the left arm was a brown bear with a top hat. Her torso had golden fur. Giselle's head was just a hollowed our opera mask. It had no nose and just a really big grin with hollowed out eyes. Blood was dripping from the hollowed out eye sockets.

Still dumbfounded, Grand Fisher asked, "What is that?"

Giselle answered by making a shrill maniacal laughing at the pitch of a chipmunk. Something, even by the standards of an extra-dimensional, astronomical abomination, was deeply wrong here. "Death of a thousand **MIND FUCKS**!"

Instantly, thousands and thousands of tiny ghost-like wisps with eyes emerged from Giselle in a multitude of directions, phasing through everything they touched. However, they then suddenly converged on Grand Fisher's head at high speeds, jamming into his skull and brain. Each one was designated to give him a hallucinogenic nightmare, each one worse than the last.

Unable to take the constant barrage of nightmare fuel, Grand Fisher began twisting and convulsing, dropping his sword and clutching his head.

Giselle's laughter continued to emanate from the hollowed out mouth in her mecha's head as the fox arm's jaw transformed into a giant chainsaw. It revved up loudly and Giselle began using it to slowly cut Grand Fisher down to size. Grand Fisher began screaming in agony. Between this and the mind fucks he could barely maintain his sanity.

"Awww, don't break yet," Giselle roared, "_**I'm not finished playing with you yet!**_" She began to cut deeper into Grand Fisher's rib cage, causing more screams of pain and torture.

"Okay I see your point, not getting involved," Candice said and ducked behind the alleyway to just pretend she never saw this. Suddenly she realized that seeing more than a few seconds of this could probably cause enough therapy time to put a psychologist's entire family through college, twice. Or a dozen.

On the moon, Bunny Moon couldn't believe what she was seeing. "No! This can't be! Grand Fisher! Do something, damn you! You can't lose to this bitch!"

Suddenly, rather than the city of Chicago all Bunny Moon could see was Giselle's hollowed out mask. "You shouldn't have done that." Giselle's voice pierced into Bunny Moon's mind as hallucinogenic images of disembodied animal heads, all dancing a danse macabre, their eye sockets being raped by cockroaches, all of which wore One Direction t shirts, along with Giselle's voice repeating "It's me!" no less than six times.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Bunny Moon, in a terrorized state, screamed loudly, dropped into a fetal position and began sucking her thumb, and rocking back and forth. "Jesus loves me. I know this because the bible tells me so!"

* * *

><p><strong>Chicago, Illonois<strong>

Giselle began to grow bored of being a mech and turned into everyone's favorite Lovecraftian horror, Cthulhu. Ethereal tentacles of pure horror, made of the stuff of dimensions great and horrible far beyond the stars, began writhing across Fisher's body, slowly stripping his flesh from him, atom by atom.

"**HAVING FUN YET?!**" Giselle roared, continuing to play with Grand Fisher mercilessly.

"PLEASE!" Fisher screamed. "LET ME LIVE! I have a whole family of epic monstrosities to feed! Without me sacrificing the souls of the innocent, they will die! AAARGH!"

"Oh, but we're just getting started! I'm having so much fun with you!" Giselle returned to human-size to meet Grand Fisher's scale. She became long and lanky, and manifested a scythe, which she began twirling around and swinging it haphazardly, cutting up Grand Fisher with every slice. She was also singing. "You don't know that I know, you watch me every night." Giselle began spinning her scythe like a baton. "And I just can't resist the urge to stand here in the light! Your greedy eyes upon me, and then I come undone," she went down on it like a stripper pole. "And I would close the curtains, but this is too much fun." She slammed her scythe into Grand Fisher's skull. "I get off on you!" she pulled it out. "Getting off on me!" She slammed it back in. "Give you what you want!" And out. "But nothing is for free!" She threw his carcass into the air. "It's all give and take!" She sliced it in half. "Kind of life we make!" She jabbed her scythe into his chest. "When your line is crossed!" Giselle held her scythe by her crotch and stroked it like a phallus. "I get off!" she came, violently and repeatedly, her hips trembling with pleasure. "I get off."

"…isn't this supposed to be a comedy?" Bambietta asked, thoroughly disturbed, as were the others.

At this point, Fisher's body was twitching in its death throes, but true to lovecraftian style, Giselle's powers superseded even death, and his soul was bound to his body, and all the pain that came with it.

While hunched over her prey, head enlarged to the size of a balloon on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, Giselle cried out loudly, "Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!" Her head grew larger with every annunciation.

Suddenly a giant, theatrical stage appeared in the street. It had a red curtain, trap doors and everything. Suddenly, a man who could pass as the twin brother, or possibly the estranged cousin, of Heath Ledger's role as The Joker, appeared on the stage in a cloud of smoke. He was dressed in a black and white stripped outfit, and oddly resembled Michael Keaton.

"Well thank you, thank you, thank you very much," he said, holding the microphone while doing his best Elvis impersonation. He then stood up straight. "It's been nearly thirty years since I last saw the surface of the Earth. It's so nice to be here in Chicago. I," his gaze finally landed upon Giselle, her scythe,the blood all over her and her smile. "Uhhhhh..." he stammered. "Oh shit. Not her again! I had enough the last time!" Immediately, Beetlejuice turned the microphone into a fedora hat, and the stage into a suitcase. "I'm outta here!" He ran off shouting. "Siberia here I come!"

"Aaww," Giselle said with a smile, "He ran away. Tee hee!" she giggled. "All right then," she said as her scythe disappeared, and steam began emanating from her shoulders. "We'll just ha**ve to fin**_**ish you off ANOTHER WAY!**_" The skin on Giselle's face faded away and her hair suddenly turned into purple fire, as it encased the entirety of her skull. The rest of her outfit was all black leather with spikes on her wrists and shoulders, and somewhere, somebody was not only drawing porn of this, but writing an extensive set of apologetics on tumblr about why she wasn't such a bad person after all; sort of how the Joker was just a misunderstood comedian, or how Voldemort is just a poor boy from a poor family, who should be spared his life from this monstrosity.

She had become Giselle Rider, the spirit of nightmares that made the likes of Freddy Krueger, The Boogeyman, As Nodt, and The Joker and the Scarecrow_, _shit their pants in terror of her. In short, she was metal as fuck, and a shoe-in to be frontwoman for any death metal band.

Meanwhile, at Unagiya corp, Ikumi shot Urahara a long, foul look.

"You know," she growled, "I am tempted to blame this on you, but even _your_ social incompetence wouldn't create... _that_."

"...yeah." Urahara murmured, looking half horrified, and judging by the bulge in his pants, half aroused, his Iphone 5000XTREME (which, of course, had an extreme zoom function), recording everything. "...so, do you wanna go and uh..."

"Whatever will get my mind off _that_." Ikumi said, grimacing. "I'll oil the whips."

"I'll get the fur handcuffs!" Urahara said cheerily.

"**FOUL BEAST! PREPARE YOUR ANUS ,BECAUSE THEIR AIN'T NO BREAKS ON THIS RAPE TRAIN!" **An actual subway train, doused in purple hellfire, then ran over Grand Fisher. Picking up the disembodied head of the creature, Giselle shouted into his face. **"LOOK INTO MY EYES!" **

There was then a mushroom cloud explosion of purple hellfire, as Grand Fisher screamed in pure, undiluted terror.

And then, just as quickly as things had escalated into a torrent of nightmares, they suddenly returned to normal as Giselle returned to normal, smoke rising from the top of her head. "Ahh, so good." Chances were she probably came again. She then noticed the damage she made. "Oh wowie," she exclaimed, "I really made a mess this time!" She proceeded to get out two dozen glass jars from her cleavage. "I hope the girls at school like hollow blood smoothies with extra pulp." After a brief pause she then said. "Oh, who am I kidding? I'll force it on them anyway!"

As Giselle began scooping up chunks of what was left of Grand Fisher, Bambietta and the others, shivering as they stood by the entrance to the alleyway said, "All in favor of never making Giselle angry, ever?"

"…aye," Everyone said, trembling in fear.

* * *

><p><strong>Beverly Hills, California<strong>

Back at school, Bambietta found her clown rather angry and smelling like grass. "Oh, I see you got the exploding plants I made for you."

"You stupid bitch! I asked for exploding _pants_, not _plants!_ No L! No L!"

"Noel?" Meninas exclaimed happily. "Oh I love that song! The first noel , the angels did say was certain to poor shepherds in fields as they lay."

"In fields where they lay keeping their sheep. On a cold winter's night that was so deep!" Giselle joined in.

Meninas and Giselle stood with their arms around each other's backs, swaying back and forth as they sang together. "Noel! Noel! Noel! Noel! Born is the King of Israel!"

And that, children, is how Giselle saved Christmas. It was somewhat muddled by the unspeakable sexual acts Giselle did with the wise men later, but livened up by the arrival of two masked figures in leather corsets, with chains and whips.

* * *

><p><strong>(AN: I hope you're all disturbed, laughing, confused and having your nightmares for the week. My co-writer, Greatkingrat88 did his very best to add in what little jokes I could not to make this chapter as good as it could be. Crack Comedy is his forte. I'm the main writer and he just fills in the spaces that I don't have the aptitude to think up a good enough joke because my screws aren't unhinged enough. That said, the whole Giselle going crazy bit was mostly me so I guess I have a few screws loose myself XD. We do have three more chapters in the works. After that be thankful if there are any more chapters after that. This series doesn't really have a plot. It's just an exercise in crack comedy and using 5 underutilized characters. At least for now, who knows what the future may bring? Er, just know that there probably won't be a new chapter until after my birthday on April 2nd. I have a lot of work between here and now, mostly to do with my top 50 fave anime/manga list as of 2015 coming at the end of this month and I'd like to see if Guilty Crown, Psycho Pass, Blue Exorcist and Toriko are going to make the cut. Anyway, I'm going back to working on my main projects. Hope you all had a relatively pleasant time. **_**Please, **_**don't use this series for softcore porn, okay? Ja ne!)**


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